ifada in a nutshell (1)
I. there are things that I miss from the past and things that I don't. I miss myself when I'm full of wonder but I also don't want to return to that time. I just need to pull 'wonder' I had in the past and fill myself in the now with it. I have little motivation these days, so I come here to remind myself how it feels to dig into my mind and pull something out: one word, two words, three millions something anxiety that creep inside my head. well, at least I'm mapping something. mapping is a hope. mapping is making me move from bed to pen, from worry to words, from cloud to clay, from chaos to order. perhaps wonder will birth from it. maybe I'm not hopeless after all. II. I thought wonder could heal my numbness — what is inside me that feels like death. III. my father passed away a year ago after six years of suffering from liver cirrhosis that had evolved into cancer in his last two months. the same illness his mother had, and the mother before her. this...
